Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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