she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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