So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
