you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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