Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
