yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
