I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm always down for nudity.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
