my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
