Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
