Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
