I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
