When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
