just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
