I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
