No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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