One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
