that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
