I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
