And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
