i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
