Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
