Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
