So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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