How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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