My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
