I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
