omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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