So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
