woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
