no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
