i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
