i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
