THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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