i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
