ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
