so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
