I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
