I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
