like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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