So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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