that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize