you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
