Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
