Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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