I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When are your genitals available?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
