woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
