just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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