I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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