Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
