Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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