Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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