Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My cat gives me a boner
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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