know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
