I wish I could teleport
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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