A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
