Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
