dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
