I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
