Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
