i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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