So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
