Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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