Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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