i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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