omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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