Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
