toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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