i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
