He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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