While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
