Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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