I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Come on in and take your pants off
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